REALLY ? IN FACT IN INDIA THE CUSTOM IS THE OTHER WAY ROUND ! THE BRIDE’S FAMILY PAY THE HUSBAND ! IF THE MONEY IS NOT FORTHCOMING AFTER THE MARRIAGE NEWLY WED BRIDES OFTEN MEET WITH FATAL “ACCIDENTS” ,USUALLY IN THE KITCHEN !

The original title of this piece was “Love is Priceless”.
I don’t think we can change the culture of sinsod, but if we think of it as a way for people to respect our parents for raising their daughter in the best possible way, then we might feel more at ease about the whole idea. The story about the Thai guy having to pay 10 million was based on true story, it happened to a friend of mine. I think reasonable amount to show gratitude to the parents for raising their daughter is acceptable, but demanding ridiculous amount and keeping it to themselves are right down demeaning.

There are two different things that are said in the story which you should seperate; one to do with bar girls commanding such and such and keep it to themselves, and the other is the cultural norm of paying the gratitude to parents, which normally would be given back to the couple to set up their own family. The sinsod culture has nothing to do with education or independent of modern women.

I believe that we know about Thai women’s reputation. I just wish your column, Ying Thai, will change Thais’ image to all farang. When they think about Thai women, it won’t be only bar girl. On the other hand, Typical Thai women are educated, independent. We are not waiting for the prince to rescue us. Like you said, dowry is no absolute rules including no standard price. It’s just for showing your social status. It’s for two people but Thais care for social status too much esp. Hi-so (high society). It would be better if they think about the money that they will earn and spend in the rest of their couple life instead of dowry.
Furthermore, I totally agree with W R’s comment and realize the problem in Thai’s society now e.g. Mai Noi, One night love including Gig (Thai’s slang; another word of Mai Noi but the same). For woman side, I just hope some Thai women stop dreaming of their prince. It’s time to stand on own feet.
Thai Lady

Tiesda

Loved your article on Can Buy Me Love.
I’ve been living here for 12 years and this is the first time I have seen someone refer to your class system in writing.
I’m fascinated to know more, especially as we Farangs come at the bottom of the heap, somewhere between dogs and the Burmese.
So your class system looks down on inter-marriages between members of different classes.
My first question is where do you come in this pecking order ?
At whatever level you were breed into, as I presume you cannot go up and down, do you feel comfortable, disadvantaged or inhibited ?
When I first arrived in London at the end of the sixties, my first motive was to marry into inherited wealth, but it only took one debutantes party for me to change my mind.
In England due to so much inter-breeding of the high classes they have unfortunately all ended up looking like horses, can the same be said of the Thai upper classes ?
Again back home all these people lead an insidious life style by only meeting and mixing with their own ilk, public venues that don’t require invitations or membership are rarely frequented. Again is this the same ?
Of course as far as the dowry issue is concerned most Farangs just can’t get their heads round to this way of thinking.
Some have argued that some kind of trading should be set up, something along the lines of a cattle auction so that the true worth of each and every sin sod could be finally ascertained and realised.
Personally I feel that they should be traded on the commodities exchange, we already have the whole grummet ranging from orange juice to pigs bellies so why not sin sods as well.

Regards,
John.

I read your article on “Can buy me Love”.
I am Dutch, met my Thai husband in UK and was married 9 month later. No not because I was pregnant. My husband had completed his studies and other duties he needed to do before his return to BKK. Neither of us had “oodles of money” The opposite. My parents paid for the civil marriage, certificate, and we had lunch at home, with my own family and grandmothers. I paid for my own plane ticket and often had to supplement Husbands “pocket money”. His whole salary was given to MIL for “allowing us to stay” with them. I had not met any of my husbands family, they did not even know about us. Husbands brother arranged for the paperwork needed from Thailand, duly translated in English. My husband left and I followed a few months later. His family had just moved into a new house, previously lived upcountry. When I was presented to his parents, his mother turned her head away, refused to acknowledge me. His father was welcoming and proved my only protector against MIL [Mother In Law]. My MIL opposition to me knew no bounds. After returning from working in two places, at around 9 PM, there was not a scrap of food left. One day I had enough, I shouted I want food, I am hungry. Husband to afraid of his mother, tried to shut me up. It was FIL [Father In Law] who went out and got a bowl of noodles. From then onwards he made sure I had something to eat upon returning from work.
This went on for 6 years, until MIL shouted = get out!!!!!!!!!!! = We did with the help of husbands sister who had returned from the USA, with husband and little boy. In the meantime, I to had a baby boy. MIL tried to put her stamp what he could and could not eat. It was a constant struggle but I resisted her attempt as much as possible. Even after moving out, MIL tried to interrupt our lives, by “dropping by” [even tough she lived far away from us] ordered my servant around, who ended up in tears. Every Sunday we had to go and visited husbands parents, but as usual I was completely ignored.
All this has happened 43 years ago. I am still in TH and still with my husband, although he starts showing his old age. Our son spend some years in UK for study and continued in USA, where he now lives with his wife.

To return to your article. I am very opposed this “bride price” dowry. It has become “cash cow” for many families and handicaps what love is all about. Boy meets Girl and fall in love. Love is an easy to say word and misused. Love, respect, tolerance, learning to share a life together, takes time and has to be worked on. Yes, you can fall in love and have a good life together. On the other hand it can turn out to be a nightmare, if boy & girl do not get along after a while, when the glamour fades. Look what we have read, about Indian weddings. Costing a fortune and often Mother of the Groom demands more and more. Uses the DIL [Daughter In Law] as a servant and even kills her, to obtain new “cash cow”.
Money, Status, is more important than a happy union. Why are there so many who divorce? Why are there “Meer Noi”? Why are there “One night loves”? Why are there middle age farang who are looking for a cute small chick? Mid-life crisis is one reason, particular of Farang male living in TH. Coming alone for a “holiday” and meeting their Thai “wives”. Farang wives get fed up when they find out, dump their husband, demand a high price for the infidelity of their husband. Do not forget, often there young children involved, who the father no longer wants to recognise.

I can speak from experience, as I have seen it happening to some of my close friends. Very sad indeed. Thailand should be classified as “marriage breakup Country”.
Thanks for letting off steam and my own experience, of ‘married to a Thai”.
W R

I read your article about “Sinsod” (the name says it all!) with interest.

What “pre-screening” do you do on your famale members?

Also do you have any statistics for the success rate of Thai-farang relationships? Yesterday I was quoted 3%, but that sounds too low.

Best, Philip