Question and Answer from the Matchmaker

Posted 06.17.2010 in Dating Tips, Random Thoughts

“Dear K. Nikki,

I’ve been seeing this guy for over a year now, and I’m 31. Despite a long period that we have been dating, and with him already met my family several times, we don’t call each other boyfriend or girlfriend yet. Anyway, he is a really nice guy, faithful, gets along well with my family, and I really like him. However, when I discussed marriage with him, he said he’s still not ready, it’ll take him another 4 years because he wants his business to settle down first. He is 38 years old. He also said if I meet someone new, I can stop seeing him. What should I do?

Meaw”

Dear K. Meaw,

Thank you for your question ka.  You are in a dilemma that many Thai women are facing, and it’s good that you are questioning your relationship.

In Thailannd, there are a few couple out there that are seriously dating, but don’t introduce each other as their boyfriend or girlfriend, this is a sign of commitment issue. You should first get your date to agree in a commitment relationship before bringing up the marriage discussion.  If he can’t even commit to that, then you know he is not that into you. Until someone asked or agreeed to date you exclusively, I asked you to keep your option open for your own good.

I once had a female client came in after 7 years of relationship.  She met him when she was 28, and he kept postponing the wedding, and at last she couldn’t stand it anymore.  She lost the most precious time of her life to start a family because she decided to wait, and in the end he never kept his promise.

As long as you are not in a committed relationship, it is okay to keep your option opened while waiting to see what’ll happen with this guy ka.  There is no need to tell him that you are keeping your option opened either, as this will only enforce his unfair request. After you meet that special someone, you can then break off this superficial relationship with him.

Hope that helps, and good luck ka!

Nikki, the Matchmaker